


Goodbye My Lover

by ASlick12



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 04:51:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5321120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASlick12/pseuds/ASlick12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The roaring screams of the fans were just as deafening as ever but that fifth of space that had always been occupied before seemed cold and empty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye My Lover

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this in a folder for a while now so I figured I'd post it here. Be warned it is sad. 
> 
> Inspired by Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt.

Fandom: 嵐  
Genre: Angst  
Pairing: Sakumoto  
Warning: Major Character Death  
Title: Goodbye My Lover

The roaring screams of the fans were just as deafening as ever but that fifth of space that had always been occupied before seemed cold and empty. No matter how much they tried to make sure they filled that space twenty odd years of moving with the person who occupied it was ingrained in their minds. The tabloids were saying horrible things and the fans were mourning heavily and this concert was their way of saying that they were going to be alright and that the space occupied by that man was never going to diminish or lose its importance to them.  
Nino already had several fans in tears after crying the whole way through the performance of the other man's solo master mix. Of course every song was played through with his voice ringing loud and clear across the stadium making the burn in Sho's eyes worsen each time. Perhaps it was because he had refused to listen to anything but the younger man's solos until the others took the CD's from their apartment and refused to allow him to listen to them anymore. That didn't stop him from listen to the last voice mail from the man over and over again. Sho would fall asleep watching concert videos and old recordings of their personal videos with the man's pillow hugged close to his chest.  
  
Aiba carried on across the stage as tears flooded down his cheeks and his arms wrapped heavily around Sho's shoulders as he tried to control his voice to rap properly. It reminded him of all the times in rehearsals he had been overcome with fear strung about the rafters by wires and could barely sing. He could tell he was falling apart as the days grew further and further from the last time he saw the other man. He wanted nothing more than to hold him one more to feel that blinding love that could make the rest of the world fall away for just one more moment. He wanted to smell that man's cologne wafting out from the bathroom or the smell of his aftershave flagrant on his skin.  
  
His band mate was a poor substitute his comfort brought the grieving man some semblance of control until it was time for him to perform his goodbye to their beloved group mate. Sho had taken a great deal of time contacting the artist responsible for the lyrics and translating them into something he could work with. They were his truth to the world in the wake of everyone's unhappiness at 'poor Mao-Chan's' loss. Aiba, Nino, and Ohno had been behind him outing himself in this way because it was out of respect for the man he loved more so than anything else. He wanted to say his goodbyes the only way he knew how to; through music.  
  
The fans slowly fell into silence at the unfamiliar tune and Sho settled into the piano bench offered to him. It was painted purple purposefully. Perhaps that made it more real for Sho; to sit at a piano originally painted for the solo the younger would have performed if things had gone so much differently. The keys fell easily under his hands like someone was sitting alongside him. Maybe the younger sat in this very seat as he struggled to practice for months to learn the proper keys. “Did I disappoint you, or let you down?” Even as the first verse fell from his lips he could feel the tears as they finally began to fall. They dropped onto his fingers and fell over the keys as he struggled forward. They burned his throat and yet his voice valiantly fought to continue on. He was ready to hold out his hands and embrace the younger man for all he was worth but he was too late. That thought alone was the part that adds the most to the knot in his throat. The fans were screaming now as he tried valiantly to fight off the choking feeling in his throat. “Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend.”  
  
His fingers still on the keys as the music cuts and he tried to pull himself together apologizing again and again to the fans. He looks into the crowd as countless fans shout out to him. “Gambatte Sho-chan! Gambatte!” Their shouts were reassuring because they knew he was falling apart inside and still adored him and encouraged him to finish for Jun, his Jun. So he tried to find the keys again to finish the song for Jun. He couldn't though and the tears just seemed to shake at his body like no others ever did. Jun was gone and there was nothing he could have done. He wouldn't walk through their apartment door anymore carrying groceries or wearing that stylish new jacket he had bought. He would never cook dinner for Sho and leave it in a container in the fridge for him. He felt like he really couldn't continue; it was the first time ever. Somehow in that moment it felt as if a different set of hands were guiding his and his fingers found the notes once more with more precision and confidence.  
  
“You have been the one, you have been the one for me.” The fans cheers and his bandmates stood side by side near the piano with tears in their eyes. They knew what this was. Sho was deciding to move on and the beauty that surrounded him in that moment meant that Jun was with him and wanted that for him. Only Sho knew that this was his goodbye until next time. He would meet Jun again in his life; of that he was sure.  
  
“And I still hold your hand in mine, in mine when I'm asleep. And I will bear my soul in time when I'm kneeling at your feet. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one, you have been the one for me." Sho was shaking but he played on. He felt the weight of the oncoming press storm and the fears of facing it alone dissipate for the first time since the younger man's passing. The ache that had been burning so deeply in his soul was finally bearable and Sho felt like he could breath, like those loving hands were wrapped around him once more. “I'm so hallow, I'm so, I'm so hallow...”  
  
Sho still missed his Jun but there in that moment he felt his soul heal; he felt as though it was okay to move forward without his soul mate at his side. He may never love again in this lifetime and perhaps that was alright as well but he could live now. He could breath when for the last few weeks it felt like he was struggling under the seas of pain and could barely find ground enough to gasp a breath before falling under once more. He knew that his band mate would forever be there to catch him should he fall and when the time came he would be greeted by that same childish exuberance as he was every day for the short amount of time in his life he was able to hold onto Jun. His love would never diminish or fall away he would never forget the younger man and he would spend every one of his remaining days living them to the standard that he knew Jun would have demanded of him. He would continue to do what both he and his partner loved until he was too old and even then he would make Jun happy at his progress.  
  
“Goodbye my lover...goodbye my Jun...goodbye.” He had added only a few extra held out keys and his words were little more than a whisper but the fan remained quiet as his tears finally fell down over his cheeks drenching them. Only then did they call out their love for him and their support. Only then did his remaining band mates surround him in their warm embraces.  
  
“It's okay Sho-chan.” Nino was whispering in his ear as Ohno rubbed his back soothingly and Aiba was bawling while wrapped awkwardly around his shoulders. He was probably crying the entire time. He ha barely stopped because every time he did in the past weeks something would remind Sho of his lost lover and he started again. “You did so well. J is definitely proud of you!”  
  
Sho could only nod and for a moment He's sure he feels the brush of a hand atop his head and a sudden warmth fills him causing him to look up and he will swear until the day he dies that he saw Jun smiling a grinning at him from across the stage like he always did after Sho's solos. “Thank-you...” He'd let his bandmates think that it was for them but he knew that it was for his lover who would always be pushing him to be his best.


End file.
